I have never had an interactive experience of angels, spirits, ancestors or deities. It sounds lovely, the idea of invisible helpers guiding from the other side (while opening up a whole can of ontological worms about said other side), but so far, I got nuthin’.
What I have had is a multitude of synchronicities, and a quiet small voice within which is
right more often than it’s wrong. I’m fairly adept at reading energetic information, have limited success with telepathy, and am more often than not successful when providing reiki healing.
Do you hear me hedging my confidence here? “Fairly”, “limited”, “more often than not” … This ever present humility comes compliments of my spiritual teacher for a decade or so, who asked me to make sure I was using the correct choice between “I know”, “I think”, “I feel” and “I believe”. Like most neophytes, I used them interchangeably without much thought, but once guided to be specific, I found that I rarely used “I know” or “I believe”.
Consequently, and pursuant to this essay, I don’t believe in angels, and I don’t know for sure that there are anthropomorphic gods or goddesses waiting around to be helpful (or punitive, depending on the belief system). I believe everything is connected energetically, and that communication, intention and healing can be conveyed through these energetic connections, but I don’t know it for sure. I think of the Universe as possessing an intelligence that is phenomenal, and I feel like it’s a benevolent place to be, but I don’t know that either.
This careful use of “think” “know” “feel” and “believe” has at times been a buzz-kill, in the way that good personal responsibility often is. I’d much rather live in a world inhabited by friendly spirits and guides, and pray to the goddesses I so vehemently advocate for and write about. But for me, these are metaphors, ways to comprehend the incomprehensible, mythologically ripe with lessons to learn and helpful on the difficult adventures of being. So recently, in a moment of envy, I decided to get me some angels. And since I’ve never experienced them outside of myself, I decided to place them inside of myself.
For purposes of this experiment, I’m giving my intuition a costume closet and a bull horn. This way, it can dress up as the Archangel Michael, or the goddess Kali, or whomever seems appropriate at the time, and SHOUT pieces of wisdom and guidance into my inner ear (also known as my heart).
This resolves several sticky wickets for me. 1) I don’t have to have a direct experience or knowing of angels etc. 2) I get to equip my intuition with more ways to get my attention. And 3) – I’ve found another way to pay attention to and interact with the magic of synchronicity. I think it’s a often overlooked road map, and while I try to pay attention, I know I can do better.
This feels very consistent with my work as an existential psychologist, as it places personal responsibility for quality of life inside of me, alongside my free will and ability to choose. If there’s a license plate on the car in front of me that reads “BKC-143”, my inner angel might help me interpret that as “Betz King, see tarot card #14 before 3 o’clock”, or it could mean “Burger King? Cholesterol 143.” I get to decide, and trusting myself to make that decision is the muscle I look forward to strengthening.
Instead of believing the magic is outside of me, where I’ve never known it to be, all I have to do is recognize it inside of me. I think it will be useful, and it feels fun. I’ll keep you posted…